I can tell you are trying really hard to make the right decisions for yourself and your babies. Having invested almost 10 years in this realtionship, it is probably very hard to think about cutting loose. But there’s a saying that the way a relationship begins is pretty much the way it will be. Although there has been a lot of drama in this relationship over the decade you’ve been together, it keeps coming down to the same things: Your boyfriend is untrustworthy and you’re not really ready to make a good choice of a lifetime partner. You were only 15 when this all started. You have let your thinking get clouded by good sex, regrets about an abortion, and fantasies about how maybe it could be. Your boyfriend hasn’t changed in almost 10 years and it’s unlikely he’ll start now. He’s more likely to do to you what he did to the other woman in his life — make lots of promises and have someone else on the side.
It’s not enough to have a man in your kids’ lives. The kind of man they have as a father is what counts. Do you want your girls growing up believing that women are responsible and raise kids while men sneak around? Do you want them to think it’s normal for a man to call his partner names and slap her around when he is upset? Do you want them to think that the way to deal with a cheater is to become one? Please think about it.
It sounds like you are working on getting an education and that you have a supportive family. That’s terrrific! I suggest you take this time away from your guy to reevaluate the choices you’ve made and to consider what kind of partner you want for yourself and what kind of male role model you want for your kids. It would be a very good idea for you to see a counselor who could give you support but also ask you some hard questions. Your emotional growth got stunted in this relationship. You need to bring your psychological age in line with your actual age and your role as a mom. You’ve made some mistakes but you are young. You have plenty of time to figure out how to find someone who will cherish you and the girls and who will be a faithful and hardworking husband and father. I’m afraid I ultimately can’t tell you what to do. This needs to be your decision and you need to take full responsibility for it. That’s an important step in being the kind of mother you want to be.
I wish you well.