I’m sorry your life has been so unpleasant. It can be difficult to feel alone and that no one understands your problems. Your question reminds me of a Carl Jung quote regarding loneliness and isolation: “Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself…”
I think this quote underscores the way you may be feeling. You are depressed and attempting to communicate that to those around you who don’t seem to understand what you are going through.
Your friends and family may not know how to help you. They may want to assist you but aren’t sure how. It’s also possible that they are minimizing your depression. One reason for this may be denial. They may also be hoping it is a “phase” or that your depression will resolve itself on its own.
I understand that you feel like your situation will not improve. People with depression often feel this way. Pessimism about the future is a symptom of depression. Your negative outlook on the future may be an understandable reaction in light of your depression but it is not likely an accurate perception of reality. Life has ups and downs. There will be difficult times but there will also be happier times. You are focused on the negative and ruling out the possibility of a positive, happy future.
I am reminded of the New York Times article about suicide. I reference this article frequently because I believe it contains many important insights into depression and suicide. One of the particularly salient points of the article is that many of the people who attempted suicide and survived are thankful they did not die. They realized that life can be difficult but that it also can improve. Many were able to receive help and never thought about suicide again.
If you have health insurance you most likely can afford psychotherapy treatment. Many health insurance companies will pay for at least 20 psychotherapy appointments a year. Most health insurance companies require a co-pay for each visit which can vary depending on your insurance carrier. If you do not have insurance then another option is a community mental health center. Community mental health centers offer free or low-cost services to individuals who cannot afford treatment. You can usually find the telephone number to your local community mental health center in the Yellow Pages or in the white pages of the phone book. If you are a college student you could utilize the university counseling center which offers free services to their students. You could also speak to your primary care physician who may know of free or low-cost services. Your primary care doctor may also be able to prescribe you an antidepressant medication. Medicine might help to ease your depression in the interim while you search for affordable psychotherapy.
I would strongly encourage you to explore the abovementioned treatment options. If you fear that you may harm yourself then go directly to an emergency room.
Please realize that there is help available. Thank you for your question. I wish you well.