You may not think so but I believe you can access help. Community mental health centers offer free or low-cost services. They primarily serve individuals who cannot afford treatment. I would strongly encourage you to consider your local community mental health center for treatment.
Individuals with severe mental health disorders (i.e. bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc.) are often eligible for disability benefits. Mental health disorders can be just as debilitating as physical health disorders. As you mentioned, you have a long history of severe mental illness. You very likely might qualify for disability benefits.
Applying for disability insurance is typically something that a case manager at a community mental health center could assist you with. An attorney may be able to help as well. The job of a case manager is to help individuals access various types of services offered in the community. You may be eligible for many social programs that you are unaware of. Those programs could include, in addition to disability benefits, housing, debt relief, free medication, and much more. If you were granted disability benefits, it could help to pay your bills and afford health insurance. I believe this is an avenue you should explore.
Currently, your symptoms seem to be worsening. You are looking for a job when in actuality you should be in treatment or in the hospital. It would be very difficult for someone who is experiencing severe mental health symptoms to hold a job. It is unrealistic. It would be difficult to function “normally” with severe psychiatric symptoms. You need treatment at this time, not necessarily a job.
The police were at your house recently but you refused their help. I understand that you are worried about the cost of treatment but your safety is paramount. You are seriously considering suicide and engaging in self-harm. You are not thinking clearly, most likely due to your untreated mental health symptoms. You should go to the hospital. The hospital can protect you. Right now it seems to be what you need.
I would strongly encourage you to go to the hospital immediately. Not only could the hospital protect you they could also link you to the appropriate treatment services upon discharge. If you are seriously considering suicide, then going to the hospital is the only correct course of action. I wish you well. Thank you for your question.