You’re not falling into a path. You are talking about actively jumping in. Just how do you think that taking drugs and ruining your life is going to help anyone? Your letter shows me that you are smart enough to know better than to throw your own life away just to make a point. You may be tired but you’re not stupid. The situation you’re in is lousy enough without you making it worse.
You asked for advice so I’m going to give you some: First, please understand that I do get it that life hasn’t been very fair to you. You don’t have the stable and loving family that I wish every kid had. But here’s the thing: Not everyone gets the family they deserve. Some people have to find a way to appreciate whatever crumbs of family-ness come from the people they are born to and go elsewhere for the full meal. That means finding older people who think you’re terrific, who will give you guidance, and who will love you for who you are. Sometimes that person is in the family. Grandparents and aunts and uncles are often candidates. Sometimes it takes reaching outside the family to the parents of friends, to a favorite teacher or club leader, or to people in a church or synagogue to find a match. Believe me. There are adults in the world who really care about kids and who will befriend you if you give them a chance. You can’t find such people by sulking or by joining with the losers in school. You find them by getting involved in positive activities and by being willing to initiate conversations.
Secondly, I’m concerned that you are developing a pattern that is going to make nothing but trouble for you in life. When the going gets rough, you want to leave or give up. Your former best friend has learned that she is the one who is in charge of her life. She gets good grades because she studies. She makes friends because she takes risks and goes out for things like cheerleading. There’s nothing magic about it. You could do the same.
Finally: Talk to that wonderful therapist about how you’re feeling. Show him this letter if you haven’t told him all of the story. A therapist only has what you tell him as information to work with. If you give him more, he’ll be able to be more helpful. Work on identifying steps you can take to take charge of your life in a positive way.
I don’t blame you a bit for being discouraged, depressed, and furious that your parents are so wound up in their own issues that they can’t give you what you need. But I do think you have the resources within yourself to build the foundations for a better life. You wrote an insightful letter. You’ve already made good use of therapy. Keep working at it. In only 3 short years, you’ll be either heading to college or beginning your own adult life. Keep yourself open to people who can become like family to you and you will manage to surround yourself with folks who can give you love and support.
I wish you well.