“Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone – but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding.”
First let me say that I am very sorry your husband’s therapist was so damaging to both you and your husband. I am glad she was reported and that her actions have come to the attention of the governing body. When incidents like this happen it casts a dark cloud over the delicate process of therapy. To learn more about the therapist as a person there is a very interesting site with research and information about the rule and boundary violations of therapists.
But the real issue now is the question of you you would say you love him. What you said was your husband:
- Left you without warning.
- Did not think about his financial responsibilities.
- Made an excuse about the dogs as if he had no responsibility for bringing the issue to you sooner.
- Tried to manipulate you (with cookies) rather than deal with the financial matters of the mortgage.
- Stole the jointly owned car.
- Systematically concerns himself with his own needs, neglecting both responsibility and sensitivity toward you.
- Abandoned you a second time.
- Uses anger to intimidate you and blames you for the problems in the marriage and hasn’t taken responsibility for his obligations.
As you say, he has broken trust with you at many levels. So the real question is: Why do you think what you have for him is love? It seems like you have an attachment to him, perhaps out of familiarity or habit, but if it is love, as the quote says, it is not enough. You have been betrayed and abandoned and, other than a box of cookies, your husband doesn’t sound like the kind of person that has much to offer. In fact, he sounds like a person only interested in himself.
All that having been said he was also betrayed by an unhealthy therapist who clearly did the wrong thing – so he needs to find a true, stable process of support to correct this in his own life, but this is his struggle to manage, not yours.
It is time to heal and start carving out a life of your own. You said it exactly, you love who he was, or, most likely, you loved his potential.
Learn everything you can about why you have the feelings you have for him, why you continue to love him in the face of his behavior and attitude, and and what strengths you have and need to nurture. You can find a therapist under the “find help” tab on the top of this page.
You and your dogs deserve a place where there is peace, safety, and comfort. It does not sound like you husband is either capable or willing to manage helping with these goals.
Wishing you patience and peace,