“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” –Robert Anderson
You have taken the first step in moving forward. Acknowledging the fact that the marriage is sexless, and declaring it by writing to us, takes a great deal of courage. Often shame keeps the issue underground for too long. And no, you are not alone. The sources and information vary, but the number of sexless marriages hovers in the 15-20% range in the U.S., and some experts believe that number is higher worldwide. Here is an interesting site on this topic.
The question here seems to be if this is a physical or psychological problem with your husband. It is unfortunate he is unwilling to go for a physical or individual or couples therapy, but this does not mean you can’t get some support. Self-care becomes an important endeavor when a spouse is isolating. I’d tell him that you are going to make an appointment for therapy and would prefer if were for couples therapy, but will keep the appointment for yourself if necessary. There is only so much you can do when your partner has shut down. I think the prudent thing to do is to let him know where you are emotionally, what your disappointment is, and that you are determined to deal with it in therapy, with or without him. This isn’t meant to be a threat, just being clear about the reality of the situation. You are simply letting him know the impact this is having on you.
Your instinct about making an appointment is a good one. I would set up a therapy appointment and invite him. Let the therapist know your plan so he or she will be aware that it might be couples or individual therapy. Hopefully your husband will go with you. But if not, it may be time to receive some support for coping, and begin planning more fulfilling activities and events in your own life.
Wishing you patience and peace,