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I Hate My Husband

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My husband and I have been together for 3 years and married for 1. I think I hate my husband. I’m pretty much been alone the whole time since he is always going on deployment. It is to the point where he and I both are so unhappy that the only time we speak is when we’re arguing. I don’t know what to do. He said it’s my fault our marriage is failing because he tries to make sure I’m happy by paying the bills. I’m loosing control and I don’t know what to do –If it’s worth saving. We don’t have sex and I’ve even gotten so bad that I’m now on antidepressants. I’m loosing my mind here. I moved across the country for him. I believe he’s cheating and….. I just need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m loosing it

I Hate My Husband

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Marriages are said to be made in Heaven, which may be why they don’t work here on Earth. –Thomas Szasz

This quote by the famous Hungarian-born psychiatrist sets the tone for how some people feel about their marriage. Hate is a strong word, and if you are at that point I would recommend an appointment with a couples counselor ASAP. If the relationship has any potential for survival then you want a professional to guide you. (You may select one from your area off this list.) If it is clear that the marriage is over then finding ways to separate that do not tear each of you down further would be important. Maybe your marriage wasn’t decent, but the divorce can be.

Being in the military brings a unique set of circumstances, and with the country at war the stress on military families is considerable. You may want to check with resources on your base for couples counseling.

If it appears that you are going to part you may want to consider using divorce mediation. This professional is neither a lawyer nor therapist, per se, but may have originally been trained as such. They help work out an agreement that you then each bring to your own lawyers for approval. It was designed to save time and money. In most cases it does just that.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

I Hate My Husband

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Hate My Husband. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.