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Sex Junkie?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I became sexually active as a teenager. Even in my first serious relationship as a teenager, I fooled around with other guys. Ever since then, I have cheated on every single boyfriend I’ve had. I have loved them all, but I will sleep with pretty much anyone who shows a passing interest. I’ve been sexually promiscuous for the past 6 years. I slept with my best friend’s boyfriend. I’ve slept with the friend of a guy with whom I cheated on my boyfriend. I know it’s wrong, but I continue to do it anyways. Is it simply lack of control? Narcissism? I don’t know. I feel like I can’t control it anymore. I have never been faithful, even after taking time off from dating, so I could “get my head right”. When I’m single, I sleep around indiscriminately. When I’m in a relationship, I’m marginally better.

Sex Junkie?

Answered by on -

A.

I am glad you are challenging yourself by questioning your sexual behavior. It seems to me like you are using sex to prevent intimacy, rather than deepen it. This isn’t a good or bad thing, per se, but it is something you need to understand the consequences of, and the impact it has on you and those you are with. The fact that it concerns you enough to write us means it has become something worth trying to understand.

Being drawn to other people, even while we are in a relationship, is natural. But acting on it, particularly with the pattern you describe, sounds more like a sex addiction. This prevents intimacy and uses sex as the “high” being chased. My first encouragement is to take this test designed by Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) and see if pertains to you. If you think it does, then you can contact them for information and to find an SA meeting near you. SA follows the principals set out by Alcoholics Anonymous and is a free program available in most communities. These programs are commonly referred to as twelve-step programs.

Of course you may want to address this in individual therapy which may be easier to start than by entering a group. You may get a referral for a therapist here.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

Sex Junkie?

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Sex Junkie?. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/04/01/sex-junkie/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.