I am unfamiliar with the mental health services in your country. I believe you need help immediately. My biggest concern is that you’re thinking about killing yourself and you have attempted to end your life four times in the past. It is also concerning that you are having difficulty concentrating because you are focused on hurting or killing someone. This is a very serious situation.
If your parents refuse to assist you, then you need to take action to get help. This could include talking to other family members who may be willing to help you. It also may include going to an emergency room on your own and reporting what you are experiencing. If those are not options for you, then speak to somebody in your school. Tell them what you wrote in this letter. Tell them about the fact that you’re thinking about hurting yourself or someone else. You could try talking to a teacher, a nurse, the principal, the school guidance counselor, or any other adult within the school system.
Another consideration is to see your physician. In the United States, many people have access to primary care physicians. They are generalized practitioners who can deal with a variety of medical concerns. Many people go to these physicians with mental health concerns and are able to receive help. If that is an option for you in India, please consider it. Please ask for help immediately.
It is also important that you know that the issues you are struggling with can be helped with treatment. I understand that you have struggled and life has not been good for you lately but things can get better. With the right help and treatment your life can improve.
Here is the number to the suicide crisis hotline in India: 91-22-307-3451. If you are feeling upset or overwhelmed call this number.
Please seek help immediately. Try one of the ideas that I mentioned above. You should continually be talking to your parents about why you need to go to treatment. It may help if you showed them this letter. It may help them to understand the seriousness of this situation and that they should be doing what they can to assist you. I hope you’re able to find help. Please write again if you have any followup questions.