I have always been screwed up due to scarring left from heart surgery as a child. I have never been happy with my body and am particularly unhappy with my breasts and scarring.
I was into drugs mainly cannabis for quite a while and dabbled with other drugs but not really anymore except cannabis now and then.
All my relationships have been screwed up
Last boyfriend killed himself and this has affected me tremendously. I feel really isolated and alienated. Its been over a year now and I can’t seem to get my life back together. Feel suicidal a lot.
HelpI can’t deal with what life has handed me
I can’t deal with what life has handed me
I’m so glad you wrote. You are almost 30. You’ve struggled with this quite long enough. I think you know that your problem isn’t the scars. It’s your attitude toward them. For reasons that are probably embedded in your past, you developed shame about your appearance instead of pride that you came through early heart surgery and were given the gift of a life to live. That strikes me as terribly sad. On top of that, you are grieving your boyfriend. You may even be furious at him for abandoning you and for leaving you in such a traumatizing way.
I do think you need to see a counselor to help you sort all this out. I think you probably knew I’d say that. But sometimes it helps to hear someone else confirm that yes, you’re worth it, and yes, you deserve to finally get some closure on both your surgery and your grief. London has many qualified mental health clinicians. Please ask your doctor for a referral so you get on the road to recovery.
I wish you well,