You know that I’m not going to tell you how to suicide. You know in your heart that there has to be another way to end the pain.
What I can tell you is this: However wonderful your boyfriend might have been, his exit from your life is not the root of your problem. Your problem is that you have let his opinion of you overwhelm your own sense of worth.
Your letter shows you to be a deeply sensitive and poetic person. It is your ex’s loss that he couldn’t see that and value it. Please don’t make the same mistake.
I know it’s hard to move forward when you’ve been dealt such a blow. I understand that it’s hard to admit to yourself that you were perhaps blind to things that weren’t right about the relationship. I realize that you are probably afraid to risk love again when losing it hurts so much. That’s all a natural part of grieving. But at some point, grieving can end and life can go on.
Give yourself an hour or two a day at a specific time to cry. If the hurt wells up during any other time of the day, remind yourself that you have a special hour set aside to grieve and your pain needs to be reserved for that time when you can give it your full attention. Most important: Please surround yourself with friends and let them love you. Let them add their strength to yours so that you have enough to sustain you. Keep up routines, even if you don’t feel like it. Take your morning shower. Do your hair. Make the bed. Have breakfast. The motions of life help us get on with living. If you have a faith, turn to that as well. Find a way to give something to others. These are all the things that can help us cope with loss and find our own sense of worth again. That, and time, will help you heal.
I wish you well.