You are living in an atmosphere of domestic violence. If the genders were reversed and you were the woman in the situation, help would be more readily available. But violence is violence. You are being physically and emotionally abused. Your wife isn’t partnering with you to raise your daughters. Your daughters have assaulted you. And your wife uses emotional blackmail by threatening suicide to control you. It sounds like you are being bullied by all three women and only valued for your paycheck. It’s no wonder you’re feeling beaten down.
I’m sure the situation is more complicated than you could fully describe in a letter. There may be good reasons why you are convinced you can’t do anything. But I do have a few suggestions for you to consider.
First, if your workplace has an “employee assistance program” (EAP) , you could access some confidential help there. EAP counselors can make some practical suggestions and can refer you to a mental health professional and to a lawyer. I think you need both:
- You were absolutely correct to suggest to your family that you all need help. But since they won’t go, go yourself. A counselor will help you regain your emotional strength, will give you much needed support, and may well have some ideas for how to bring your family into treatment. If your company doesn’t have an EAP to help you locate a therapist, ask your doctor for a referral.
- I suggest a lawyer because I think you need to find out what your rights are regarding protection from violence and threats, as well as your rights regarding how your pay is used. There may be a way for you to protect some of your money. If you had a bank account of your own, you wouldn’t feel quite so trapped.
You made an important first step in writing to us at Psych Central. Please now follow through and get the help you need. No one deserves this kind of treatment (even people who yell). You need to extricate yourself from this situation both for your own sake and for the sake of your daughters. This is not a healthy way for anyone to live and it certainly isn’t a positive model for how family life should be.
I wish you well.