You are a very brave and resilient individual. I am very sorry to hear about the hardships you are facing on a daily basis. It sounds very difficult. I can understand why you feel anxious, depressed, and physically sick given your situation. Anyone would feel a similar way when faced with the same reality. It is clear that you are in need of help immediately. Below I have a list of possible suggestions for you that may help in your situation.
Contact the outpatient psychiatrist via phone or the mental health workers at the hospital who provided you a discharge plan. Tell them that you need help. Inform them about your home situation. Tell them about your father and the things he says to you. It seems as if he may possibly have a psychotic disorder. He is threatening you. He is not stable. He is paranoid. Tell them about your home living environment and how unsanitary it is. They may not know the full extent of your living situation. If they did, then I wonder how or why they would’ve placed you back in the home. If they knew more about what you’re currently going through, then they may be able to help you move out of the environment and into a more stable and clean home. They could place you in a residential treatment facility or related facility where you can gain relief from your situation. Your mental health is not only at risk but so is your physical health. This is a serious situation.
Another consideration is going to live with a relative. Is there anyone in your family you could live with, at least temporarily? If not a family member then what about a friend?
If none of the above options are helpful then I would strongly suggest speaking to someone at your school. You could speak to a trusted teacher, the school principal, the school nurse, or any other individual in the school who may be able to help you. If not someone at the school, then is there anyone you could speak with at a local church? That is also a consideration.
One last option to consider is calling Child Protective Services. I do not know your location or I would provide you with the phone number but you can generally find the phone number to Child Protective Services in the yellow or white pages. You may be able to do an Internet search. Type in the words “Child Protective Services” and the name of your city or state in a Google search and you should be able to find the phone number.
The bottom line is that you need immediate help. It’s not going to be easy to handle this situation on your own. I would not recommend it. You need outside help ideally from mental health professionals. If you are feeling suicidal then you should call a crisis hotline or go straight to an emergency room. Here’s a number for a crisis hotline: 1-800-273-8255.
Please consider making contact with one of the resources mentioned above. Inform them about your current situation. Be certain that you provide details, especially about your current living situation. They need to know that your home, as you have described it in your letter, is a major health hazard. I hope you’re able to find the help you need. Please write if you have any further questions.