My persistant dishonesy with my parents is ruining my life. For as long as I can remember I have lied. To my friends, siblings and especially my parents. I have lied about everything. Over and over again my parents find out the truth the hard way. And they talk to me about it. They have given me chance after chance after chance every time to come clean and Ill lie again and again. Anyway. I’m in the midst of a big lie that is just growing by the day. Im too scared to come clean, but i know that If I dont everything will just get worse. I reflect on my life over recent years and overall I am not happy with anything. I believe everything negative i feel is a result of my dishonesty. Please give me some advice. My parents are extremely supportive and loving people. I’m so scared though. Its like im addicted to lying. I lost ALL of my friends. Im lonely, bored, and my relationship with my parents is in a huge hole.

A: The first step to change is always to own the problem. Give yourself credit for that! You are acknowledging the reality that your lying is leaving you alone and lonely.

Now you need to take the next step and get yourself into counseling to figure out how to make the changes you need to make. Habits like this (and it is a habit) are very hard to break on your own. If you could have, you would have done so already. You need someone in your corner who can teach you ways to break the habit and who can support you during the difficult and challenging time that it takes to actually do it.

It might also be helpful for your counselor to include your parents now and then so they are less forgiving. Sometimes a more loving thing to do is to hold someone accountable. They need to learn how to do that in a way that is supportive.

Please follow up. Every lie and every month that goes by makes it harder to deal with the problem.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie