I sense resentment and anger. Though it is understandable, it is not psychologically healthy to harbor those feelings. Do not let your past dictate your future. You had a difficult life. It is unfair. I realize that it is challenging to put that aside but I think it is what you need to do in order to become a mentally healthy individual.
We have a choice in life. You were not able to choose how you were raised but as an adult you have a choice in how you live your life. I am reminded of the book by Viktor Frankl called Man’s Search for Meaning. I mention it often because it shows clearly the resiliency of each person. If you are not familiar with Dr. Frankl then you may want to consider reading his book. The book is about his experience in a concentration camp. Though he suffered tremendously, both physically and mentally, he found meaning in his suffering. He was tortured by his captors. He watched his friends die of starvation, others being put into gas chambers, families and children being killed. He experienced pure evil. He could have been a bitter and angry man due to that experience but he wasn’t. He could have simply given up on life but he chose not to. He recognized that some people continue fighting for life while others give up. What is the difference between the two? Some found meaning in their suffering, and thus meaning in their lives and the others did not.
It is easier to give up on life but it is the wrong thing to do. It is understandable to be angry with your parents but how does that benefit you?
You may be thinking in terms of revenge, contemplating how you might hurt your father to pay him back for the suffering you have endured. If that is what you are thinking then you are on the wrong path. Nothing can change the past but you have a choice in how it will affect your future. There may be something positive that can come out of suffering. Dr. Frankl referred to this concept as tragic optimism. Essentially, tragic optimism means that even if we had experienced something negative, unpleasant or traumatic, something good can come from that experience. It is an occasion to turn suffering into human achievement.
You have tried many ways to improve your attitude and way of thinking. I commend you on your efforts. Even if it hasn’t worked yet, I would encourage you not to give up. Just because it has not been successful does not mean that it never will. You have not tried therapy. That might be something to consider, if you are open to it. You should also consider reading the book I mentioned earlier. Your girlfriend has the right attitude and I hope you will listen to her as well as consider therapy. Thank you for your question. I wish you the best of luck.