It is possible that your wife is suffering from bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. It is impossible for me to know what her diagnosis is or if she merits a mental health diagnosis, but much of what you have described is characteristic of one or more of those disorders. It is abnormal to be delusional, to have thoughts of grandiosity, to be irrational and to engage in illogical thinking. It is typically a sign of a serious mental health disorder.
There are many other aspects of your letter that lead me to believe that your wife may have a serious mental health disorder. One is the fact that she met someone (or a group of people) on Facebook and then decided to fly to another state for a meeting. The meeting apparently did not go well and unfortunately there’s no way to know with certainty what happened. All that you were able to gather (based on her response when she returned home) was that the meeting went very badly. That was a very risky thing for her to do. This is one example of her delusional and irrational thinking.
Other concerning symptoms include the fact that she misinterprets the actions of others. That is another sign of a serious mental illness. Other concerning symptoms include crying spells, the unusual manner in which she relates to friends and family, and her threats of suicide. In addition, it seems as though she is not functioning at an appropriate level.
You also mentioned that she complains of body aches. Body aches may be a sign of hypochondria, which is the belief that one is suffering from a physical ailment despite medical evidence to the contrary. She may in fact be suffering from a medical condition and the body aches may be real, but it is noteworthy because hypochondriasis is characteristic of some psychotic disorders, schizophrenia in particular.
You decided to seek treatment for yourself and that was a very wise decision. I also think it is important to have a therapist who understands the nature of serious mental health disorders such as schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder or bipolar disorder. Again, I cannot verify whether your wife has any one of those disorders, but her symptoms are indicative of some type of psychotic-based disorder.
You think your wife should see a psychiatrist. I wholeheartedly agree. She may also benefit from psychotherapy. The goal is to find a way for her to enter treatment, whether it is with a psychiatrist or another mental health professional, or both. You may also want to consider couples counseling. Perhaps you can do that in tandem with your own individual counseling. Consider family therapy if there are children or other relatives involved.
I think the most important aspect of this situation is the fact that your wife seems to be actively psychotic and is not in treatment. Antipsychotics could help her reduce her psychotic symptoms. Many people, understandably, do not like to take antipsychotic medication. There are many side effects, but perhaps she could take a low dose of an antipsychotic drug. It could help her and your marriage.
It is also important to know that many individuals who have psychotic disorders, schizophrenia in particular, often refuse to take their medications. It is a very common phenomenon. That is why it is important that you surround yourself with support. A competent therapist could provide that support for you.
Undoubtedly, you are dealing with a very difficult situation. You are headed toward divorce, most likely because of your wife’s bizarre behavior. Tragically, schizophrenia and other related disorders have led to many divorces and family breakups but that does not have to be the case for you. Realize that your wife may be very sick and needs help. If she were in treatment and her symptoms under control, then it might actually save the marriage. It may also save her life. Getting her into treatment should be the most important goal at this time. I would also encourage you to educate yourself about psychotic-based disorders and surround yourself with supportive people.
Please write back if you have any more questions. I will gladly answer any followup questions you may have.