Whew! Nothing seems to be going right, does it? Sometimes life can be like this for awhile. At 13, you know that it’s past the time when mom can kiss it and make it better. But you’re also not quite at the point where you can figure out what to do on your own. I’m glad you wrote.
The hard part about growing up is coming to terms with the fact that the only one who can change things for us is ourselves. It’s time you made a shift in how you look at things. Your letter only talks about how things seem from your point of view. Let’s try to see things from where your parents sit:
Has it occurred to you that maybe things are really complicated for your mom right now? She’s trying to handle 3 kids who are growing up and she’s taking the personal and financial risks to start a business. She seems on edge and distracted and anxious. Things may be more tense with the business than she is sharing with you. She may be extra irritable with you because, as the oldest, she expects you at least not to need her as much. It’s not necessarily fair but it is understandable.
It sounds to me like your dad is trying. This is a matter of seeing the glass as half empty (your way) or half full (my way). From my point of view, he does watch TV with you. He knows 5 of your friends’ names. He invites you on bike rides. He gets to some of your recitals. From his point of view, your little girl self was a whole lot easier to deal with than this moody adolescent who has come to live at your house. He could certainly be more tactful and supportive, it’s true. But it sounds like he doesn’t quite know how to relate to you and his awkward attempts just make you mad.
You are not powerless to change things. If you want your life to be better, you’re going to have to start taking some action. You have so much more to work with than other kids. You’re smart, talented, and you have friends. You even have friends who aren’t necessarily friends with each other. This is an important strength.
Focus on getting your grades back up. Stop comparing yourself to the other singer and sing from your heart. There’s room in any place for several good singers. Not satisfied with your looks? Give yourself a makeover. Get in shape and get your hair styled in a way that makes you feel good. Take an interest in clothes and figure out how to make a fashion statement with what you’ve got. Maybe get together with some of those friends to trade some clothes and give each other some fashion tips.
Not happy with family relationships? Instead of complaining, maybe you could ask your mom if she needs some help. Learn more about her business dreams so you can understand what is stressing her. Compliment your dad when he gets things right and he’s more likely to want to try harder. As for the siblings: Well, siblings are siblings. You’re all struggling to grow up. Every now and then try to reach out to them and things might get a bit better.
I suspect this isn’t what you wanted to hear. But I know that sitting around blaming other people for our troubles doesn’t improve the situation. Self-pity, even when we’re right, doesn’t make change. Your teen years are when you begin to take charge of your life and decide who you want to be. Only you can set your goals and work toward them. A bright, talented girl like you will go far once you get started.
I wish you well.