There are several issues to address. The first one is that you believe there may be no help for you. Please recognize that there is help for you. You are not at the point of being unhelpable. In fact, it’s just the opposite. From my perspective you’re an excellent candidate for therapy. For one reason, you recognize that you need help. You talked about wanting to find a “coach” to show you the right path. That is exactly the role a therapist can play. A good therapist attempts to help the client become the person he or she has the potential to be.
The second reason you would be a good candidate for therapy is you recognize that some aspect about your behavior may make it difficult for you to connect with other people. This may or may not be true but if it is, a therapist can help you alter your behavior to have a better relationship experience. The therapist could also objectively analyze your situation and teach you interactional skills. You probably never had the opportunity to develop or practice these skills, possibly because you were home schooled or working. For these reasons and many others, therapy would be a great place to deal with these issues.
I apologize for the digression, but I am curious about the type of work you were doing at the age of seven. It’s rare for children to be sent to work this young, as well as illegal in the United States.
The second area I want to address is related to the fact that you are attempting to contact old friends and rekindle relationships with them. When you attempted to interact with old friends the situation wasn’t as pleasant as you thought it would be. It seemed like it was an awkward and forced interaction on your part and your friends’. That is understandable to me. Even if you had “best friends” during school many of those friendships were probably superficial. That is characteristic of many adolescent friendships. The proof of this is that after high school most people lose contact with the individuals they had been friends with. Most people develop new, longer-lasting friendships. This is where your focus should be. You are attempting to rekindle relationships from the past when you should be focusing on the present.
I think the heart of the issue is that you may not have had the opportunity to have many friends as a youth and this may have inhibited your social skills. The solution is to consider therapy. As I mentioned above, a therapist can help you develop social skills. In addition, a therapist can also help you develop self-confidence in your ability to interact with other people. You could practice the skills in therapy and the therapist can act as a “coach” to guide you through the process. If you would like to search for a therapist in your community please utilize this therapy directory.
One last thing. The desire you feel to connect with other people is very normal and natural. Human beings desire to have relationships with other people. There is nothing abnormal about this. The crux of the issue seems related to the fact that you never had sufficient opportunity to interact with other children or adolescents your age and this has hampered your ability to connect with people in the present. None of this is your fault. This issue is very treatable and social skills can be learned. There is a lot of hope for you. I hope you’re able to find a good “coach.” Thank you for your question.