The individuals who treated you in the hospital most likely gave you a diagnosis but apparently did not tell you what it was. Usually when an individual leaves the hospital he or she is referred to outpatient services for followup. I’m wondering if you were referred for followup services and if so, whether you attended those treatments.
Perhaps you utilized therapy services after your hospital stay but I get the impression that you are not currently in treatment. I would highly recommend that you see a therapist about these issues. What’s especially concerning about your state of mind is that you feel you could hurt someone “under the right circumstances.” You need to be in treatment.
You may have depression and possibly bipolar disorder. You may not have either of these disorders but you are experiencing symptoms that you are unable to control. This is why it is important for you to be in treatment. This is especially true because of your young age. If you can gain control over the symptoms now, you may be able stop them from developing into a serious mental health disorder.
If you’re feeling suicidal or homicidal then you need to alert your parents and go to the emergency room immediately. Even if it is not an emergency situation, it is imperative that you speak to your parents about your symptoms. Ask them to make an appointment with a primary care doctor, psychiatrist or therapist as soon as possible. The symptoms you have described are controllable with the proper treatment. These treatments may include medication and psychotherapy. It’s important that you do not ignore your symptoms and seek treatment immediately. Thank you for your question.