You are absolutely right. What you are describing is not usual teenage angst or the expected emotional storms of puberty. I admire your courage. You are looking squarely at yourself and you are reaching out for some help.
I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of a letter, of course. I don’t have enough information. What I can suggest is this: First, talk to your parents if you can. You need their emotional support. And you need some help making your way through the health system and getting services paid for. If you don’t think your parents will be sympathetic, start with your school counselor or your school nurse.
Then ask for a complete medical checkup. Thyroid problems, anemia, even an electrolyte imbalance, for example, can cause depression and erratic behaviors. I always want to rule out the physical before we start thinking about the psychological. If you are medically fine (which is a great thing to know), then see about getting a psychological evaluation. Ask your doctor for a recommendation or go on the web. When I searched “mental health services” and the name of your town, I found several places that specialize in youth.
In the meantime: If you feel yourself getting out of control, please consider calling a support line. The folks at the BoysTown crisis line at (800) 448-3000 are there 24/7 to help teens – both boys and girls – who need someone to talk to. You can find out more about them at this link : http://www.boystown.org/hotline
The most important thing I want you to remember is that you don’t have to be alone with this confusion and pain. There are people in the world who dedicate themselves to helping kids like you. I also bet there are people in your family and in your school who will help you if you give them a chance.
Please write back and let me know how things go.
I wish you well.