I don’t think it’s helpful to focus on what diagnoses you may have. The truth is that I don’t think you have any of the particular disorders you’ve mentioned. It’s not unusual to read through a list of symptoms associated with mental health disorders and believe there’s a match.
I think you’re having a difficult time and you don’t have anyone who can advise you or help you to feel better. You’re dealing with all these issues on your own and you’re desperately afraid to tell anyone what you’re experiencing. This needs to change.
You have not told your family and this is a major concern. It’s important that you don’t keep this a secret any longer. My main concern is that you are resorting to harmful practices as a way to relieve and soothe yourself due to psychological pain. You need to learn a better way to handle the things that are bothering you. There is a healthy way to manage stress and there’s a harmful way. It’s important that you talk to your parents and be honest about how you’re feeling. You have legitimate concerns and you deserve the proper help and treatment.
Go to your parents and tell them what you wrote in this letter. As I’ve suggested to others who have similar fears about approaching their parents, you can print this letter and give it to them. This may help your parents see that you’re serious. That is the best way to approach this situation.
Many teenagers suffer just like you do. They often believe that no one can help them so they keep their suffering a secret. The truth is that help is available but it requires you to be courageous and brave and to talk to your parents. It won’t be easy but it is what you need to do.
If you’re feeling suicidal please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255 and speak to a counselor. You can also go to a local hospital for immediate help.