I’m so sorry that you are in so much pain. And I’m doubly sorry that you are one of the many people in the world who doesn’t feel he can turn to his parents for the help and comfort you need. But you’ve also told me that you are smart, sensitive, artistic, and thoughtful. Those are ingredients you can use to help yourself make a better life.
It’s tough that your family can’t help. Not everyone gets the family they deserve. The good news is that you’re not a little kid any more. You’re not totally dependent on your parents. You are free to find adult friends who can mentor you and be the kind of family you long for.
The best way to find such people – and to make friends – is to take the focus off the relationship. Think about something you would really enjoy doing or at least that you would feel is a worthwhile way to spend your time. This can be a sport, a hobby, or volunteer work or even a job. Maybe you can do something with your music. (Have you ever thought of learning how to DJ, for example?) Get involved. Contribute. Show interest in what other people are doing. Focus on learning about people and listening to what they have to say. Let relationships unfold naturally. Have faith that they will if you do your part by being involved in the activity and by being genuinely interested in the people.
This will be challenging at first and you could use some help. You didn’t mention whether the hospital referred you to a therapist for followup. If they did, I hope you do make contact and start working one to one with a counselor who can be in your corner. Please also keep this phone number on you: 1-800-273-TALK. That’s the number of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Counselors are available 24/7 to talk with you if you feel upset and suicidal. You can also check them out at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
You have lots going for you: You’re smart and sensitive. Your good grades make college a possibility in only a couple of years. You love music and have the discipline to learn to play the guitar. You do want to be social. All these things are important strengths and shouldn’t be wasted by doing away with yourself. With some support from a counselor and some positive action on your part, I’m pretty sure you can make your life much, much better.
I wish you well.