Recently I have been thinking about my life is so unnatural if i compare myself with other people , but on the other hand i always have been weird/odd for most of the people i met, however my life has been almost always like that but for me it is not strange at all. I know that i’m strange because people told me all the time when i was in school. I’m not aware that whether something is strange/wrong with me or not , only people tell me that my behaviour is not normal . Lately my parents told me if i don’t change myself then they are going to take me to a psychologist.
People say that i’m weird because i have absolutely no desire for socialization, i prefer to stay in the shadows where no one can notice me. I prefer to be alone most of my free time , i don’t talk neither my parents nor my sisters. I simply see no reason for communication with other people. Socialization is boring for me i only talk if necessary or people ask me something about. . . If i have to spend too much time with others i feel like they suck out life energy from me and i have to spend a lot of time alone in order to regenerate myself.
In my free time i go nowhere because i see no reason to go outside , i have no friends, in fact i have never had any true friends in my entire life and i don’t want anyone , i don’t want to be with anyone, I would like to be with only myself. I don’t even want to be with my family.
I avoid eye contact when i meet strangers because i feel bad to look into someone’s eyes . I never had interest in dating in fact i never been in a relationship with anyone because i find it meaningless . . I prefer solitary activities and i do things on my own.. .
i have to spend too much time with someone i feel very uncomfortable
and i have to retreat to my own little world sooner or later.
What i realized about myself is that i’m completely apathetic, i have no empathy for people. When someone is suffering/crying around me i don’t feel anything at all. In my opinion i don’t care about other people’s feelings, and i don’t care about my feelings as well. For example if i would never ever see my sisters again , I wouldn’t care about it.
In some social situations i don’t really know how to behave or what to say to people. When i don’t know how to interact with others i simply don’t do anything and i remain silent. I can only focus on one thing when i’m doing something. If someone interrupts me when i’m doing something very important i become angry and i tell the person to go away immediately.
Also i have no interest in social norms, i do everything the way i like. For example at christmas when all the family members are gathered together , i give the presents to them then i leave them alone.
Despite the fact that i have no friends no family and i’m alone i don’t feel loneliness or sadness or anything like that.By the way I have no desire to change myself ,but my family wants me to change my mind.
Do you think i have a personality disorder?Do i have a personality disorder ?
Do i have a personality disorder ?
Thank you for writing and for being willing to be curious even if you’re not concerned. I can’t determine whether or not you have a personality disorder on the basis of a letter. I’d need to meet you for that. It’s possible, I suppose. Another possibility is that you are either high functioning autistic or have Asperger’s Syndrome. And maybe not. I don’t have enough information to determine that either. You might find it interesting to take a look at “Look Me in the Eye,” a book by John Robison about his life with Asperger’s, to see if you relate to it.
My suggestion is that you go see that psychologist your parents talked about just to satisfy your own curiosity. All you have to lose is a couple of hours of your time. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, you don’t have to change. But you just might find out some things that would help you live in the world a little more comfortably.
I wish you well.