Hello and thanks for your question:
Life can be awful at times, can’t it? It sounds like you could use some help, but I don’t know where you would find it in your country. If you could call a local office for mental heath care, they might be able to give you names of therapists who could help you work through these things.
Family can be very difficult, and it’s awfully hard to get away from the pain that they can cause. I’m wondering if you could learn some boundaries. That is, start saying “no” when you should, rather than get angry or hurt when they start picking on you. I can tell you that suicide isn’t the answer. Sure it would work for something that’s bothering you right now, but what about the future? You would never know if you will find the right guy, get married or have kids. You would never know the good things that can happen when you finish your degree.
While you may not like the way that you look, there is someone out there who will love you for who you are, not just how you may appear on the outside. Find yourself a professional who can teach you how to take better care of yourself, where you can learn to use boundaries and develop better self esteem. Consider, too, a course of antidepressants. They really do work.
I hope this helps,
Dr. Diana Walcutt