The repeative thinking doesnt let me move forward. I get stuck and depressed. Recently, I broke a acoma indian handmade one of a kind pot I bought in New Mexico in 1991. When I broke it you would of thought someone had died, that’s how I reacted. I went crazy, going over and over with myself why I did that. I couldnt except that it had happened and questioned myself over and over why and how it happened. I spent a day and a half trying to glue it back together and could think or do anything else. Then it started my obsessive thinking about EVERYTHING!!!!!! Things that happened in the past that I cant change, times that I should of been having fun but couldnt because I was thinking about things that didnt matter at all, but I couldnt stop my mind from obsessing. It stops me from going about my daily routine. I have to stop and rewind what happened and I need to know everything exactly. I get extreamly anxious. I beat myself up about everything. Im typing this still thinking about the pot I broke and what I could have done to prevent it. This thinking process is usually comes on when I get feelings of being overwhelmed, and in my most recent case when I broke the pot you could say I broke the ice for ocd to come full on. Im so depressed I dont think I can live with myself like this. Its gone on all my life and I havnt found anything that helps, and I will admit I havnt stayed on anything either. As in past it seems to finially subside and I can start concentrating again. The worst thing is something else will trigger it and I will start the whole horrible debilitating process again. I never really have peace of mind, Im always obsessing, worrying, thinking I should have done this better or should have done that a long time ago and now its too late, thoughts like that. I feel sucicidal and have expressed this to my mom, and I have to say its not the first time. My mind is my enemy and I feel its winning the game. I need relief desperately. Thank You.Severe OCD
If you feel that you are no longer able to control your thoughts then professional help may be required. Cognitive behavioral therapy may be helpful in this situation. It is thought to be an effective treatment for OCD.
There is a television show on the Arts and Entertainment (A&E ) network that you may be interested in. The show is called Obsessed. It documents the lives of individuals struggling with OCD. The beginning half of the show is usually focused on the rituals individuals engage in related to their OCD. The second half is devoted to the treatment of their disorder. You may want to watch the show not as a replacement for therapy or as a way to learn how to treat yourself. I would recommend professional help for these issues. You might watch it to get a sense of how OCD is treated and how real people can overcome this disorder.
As you have experienced, OCD can be very debilitating. It’s also very treatable. Your situation at this time is very serious. You’re at the point where you are considering suicide. I hope you will strongly consider entering treatment as soon as possible. The A&E TV show website has links to resources for the treatment of OCD.
Thanks for your question. Please write a follow-up letter to let me know if you have decided to seek help.