Hello and thanks for your question:
You know, killing yourself may seem like a quick fix to what is a temporary problem. More young adult males die from suicide than any other cause, and it’s often over some girl and often involves drugs or alcohol. The truth is, there are very few reasons for killing yourself, and fewer people who are worth dying for.
While I understand that you don’t like going to psychologists, it doesn’t sound like you have been able to fix this problem on your own. You may benefit from a few sessions with one, especially if you are sincere about not wanting to die. They won’t “lock you up” or put you away just because you think about dying.
A good therapist will understand that nearly everyone has thoughts of suicide from time to time, but that doesn’t mean that they will act on them. You might also benefit from some antidepressants. I know that people are often afraid of medications, that they don’t want to become “dependent” on them, but the truth is, if you had a broken leg, you would probably get it fixed, right? That’s a medical problem, but so is depression. It’s often a chemical imbalance that can be “fixed” with some medications.
If you don’t get help, you might have a downswing in your mood one day and get back into thinking that killing yourself is a good idea. I hope you don’t. Again, it’s a quick solution to what is often very temporary.
Please, get some help. The Internet doesn’t have all the answers, especially to questions like yours. You have been hurting. Talk to someone who can help.
I hope this helps,
Dr. Diana Walcui