Thank you very, very much for writing. You certainly do have lots of troubles. I can’t tell you for sure what exactly is wrong since I don’t have enough information. I do hear that you are unhappy and confused and scared and way too concerned about being fat. That’s enough for me to know that you are trying to handle far too much.
You didn’t mention whether you have told your parents or if you are in any kind of treatment. If at all possible, you should involve your folks. You need support and love to get through this. If you don’t have parents or if you don’t have parents who are helpful, please find another adult to talk to who can help you find the right kind of help.
If you are not seeing a counselor, it’s time you did. Look for a counselor who specializes in working with teens. If you’re already in counseling but it isn’t working, think about whether you are giving your counselor a chance. Have you shared everything that you told me? Are you thinking hard about what you talk about together? If you are doing your best and you still don’t think your counselor is right for you, ask to transfer to someone else. Feeling that your counselor can understand and help you is important if therapy is to be successful.
Whenever you are feeling overwhelmed and suicidal, there is a helpline in the UK you can contact called ChildLine. You can talk to the people at ChildLine about anything at any time. No problem is too big or too small.
Here’s a section from their website:
If you are feeling scared or out of control or just want to talk to someone you can call ChildLine.
Some of the things that people phone about are feeling lonely or unloved, worries about their future, problems about school, bullying, drugs, pregnancy, HIV and AIDS, physical and sexual abuse, running away and concerns about parents, brothers, sisters and friends, and crimes against them.
Whatever your worry, large or small, we’re here to offer advice and support. When you are ready. Call ChildLine on 0800 1111.
Please take steps to take care of yourself.
I wish you well.