You realize you have a problem. I always find it encouraging when someone can admit they have a problem and can recognize the need for help. Now that you’re aware of the problem you have an obligation as a responsible adult to find a way to correct it. If you don’t know how to solve it on your own, that’s okay, but make it a priority that you find someone who can help you.
You have obsessions with male celebrities and you constantly daydream. You describe yourself as being “addicted” to looking at photos, videos, or reading interviews about a particular celebrity. You allow yourself to be swept away into an imaginary world. You’re living much of your life in a fantasy world. It’s gotten to the point where it has affected your ability to have relationships. There’s a good likelihood that it has negatively impacted most if not all aspects of your life, not just relationships.
I may not be able to offer you a specific diagnosis but it’s enough to know that the obsessions and the amount of time you spend engaging in fantasies are unhealthy. You sense this because you’ve described feeling depressed about it. You recognize that it’s taking a “toll” on your life.
Perhaps you engage in this type of thinking because it’s easier than focusing on the reality of your life. Just like alcohol and drugs are an escape for some people from their unpleasant lives, fantasy may serve the same purpose for you. It may be a way for you to avoid responsibility. It may have been that as a child you were encouraged to engage in fantasies or imaginative thinking but nobody put limits or boundaries on this type of thinking. It’s okay to engage in some type of fantasy thinking but certainly not to the point where it becomes an obsession or inhibits your ability to function normally.
A therapist can help you learn how to put limits on your thinking. He or she could teach you a new way to think and behave as well as ways to distract yourself away from the fantasy world. You could also learn how not to procrastinate and how to eliminate the triggers that invoke your desire to daydream.
Medication might be an option as well. There may be a particular medication that can block your unwanted thoughts.