Thank you for writing. People mature sexually at different times and different rates. The first thing to consider is that maybe you’re just not ready yet – in which case, stop pushing yourself and punishing yourself. Your time will come.
On the other hand, it could be that something that started out as a medical issue became psychological as well. When people don’t react and feel as they expect to, they often get anxious. The anxiety then prevents them from feeling “normal” which makes it harder and harder to relax and let “normal” happen. And around it goes.
The very first thing to do is to see a gynecologist and an endocrinologist to make sure that all is well with your “female parts” and your hormones. If all checks out as fine, then please consider seeing a counselor to help you sort out your feelings about sex and sexuality. Your fantasy life tells you that you want something more. It makes a kind of sense that others make decisions for you in your fantasies. At this point, you have lost confidence in yourself.
You made an important first step in writing. Please take the next steps. Make those appointments and sort this out. You deserve it.
I wish you well.