This must all be very, very hard. You are trying your best but feel that you aren’t getting much in the way of a response. It’s like holding your hand out for a handshake and the other person not responding. If you keep your hand out there, you start feeling foolish. If you don’t, it means that you’ve given up. Neither option feels very good.
I’m sure there is more to the story than you could put in a letter. On the basis of what you wrote, the only suggestion I can make is that you both consider taking a recess from your individual therapists for a few weeks and go to a couples therapist instead. If you are each in your own corner getting support from an individual therapist for your own point of view and dealing only with your own issues, it is very possible that you aren’t identifying and working on what matters most in the relationship. In couples therapy, the therapist gets to watch how the two of you interact. An individual therapist only gets to hear your report of your version of how you behave. However well intended you are, it may be that you aren’t seeing the ways that you and your wife miss each other when you are trying to communicate. Other options are for each of you to join the other in each other’s sessions or to ask the therapists if all 4 of you can meet together.
There are many legitimate ways to do clinical work and there may be good reasons why your individual therapists haven’t already suggested that you move into couples work. Please consider raising the issue at your next session to get the opinion of the person who knows you. I’m only going on a letter.
I wish you well.