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Young, in love, and apart

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I love my girlfriend so much, and I dont really know what to do. I know this doesnt seem like a problem, but I love her so much that its driving me crazy.

I met her on the very first day of classes, in the very first class of my freshman year at college. The professor didnt show up, and the rest of the students left hastily, but she and i stayed for a few minutes longer. We started talking ad we hit it off. We started spending time together, and eventually we started to date. We’ve been dating now for a little over 8 months and now we’ve both gone home for the summer. She lives 200 miles awayand she is all I can think about.

I love everything about her. I dont even know where to begin.. I love how every time I think about her, I smile. I love the way she looks, the way she smells, the way she drives me crazy. I love holding her, and being held back. I love the way she brightens up my day when Im sad. I love how she is the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before I got to bed. I love that she inspires me to do my best in my schoolwork. I love how she makes me want to better myself as a person too. I want to make myself the best I can be for her. She is the most amazing girl Ive ever known and all I want to do is make her happy. And I love how I cant find words to do justice to how much she means to me.

Now we’re nearly 200 miles apart, and Ive got three months of summer ahead of me. We arent going to get to see each other too often because we both have to work, and neither of us want to ware out our welcome at the others house with the others parents. Shes all I think about. Shes coming to visit me tomorrow for 5 or 6 days for my birthday, and I cant wait, but as much as Im looking forward to it, I know in a week or so, Im going to have to go for probably a month plus before I see her again. And thats killing me.

I love her whole-heartedly. She is amazing, and I think I could spend the rest of my life with her. I know we are young, she is 18 and Ill be just 19 years old in two days. In past relationships, I always knew they would not last, but this is different. I know I could spend the rest of my life with her without a second thought. I want to ask her to marry me. But I dont want to scare her, and I dont know if she loves me enough to commit herself to me. Not to mention, we are young.

I also think about how lucky I am that she saw something special in me. I think about how lucky I am to be around her, and to have her to myself, and to have her love. She is a blessing in my life, and by far the most important thing in my life.

I guess I need to find a way to cope with not seeing her. Talking on the phone and aim can only get me so far. My friends are telling me to get a hobby, even though Im an avid cyclist. Unfortunately I cant cycle 24/7 in 95 degree weather, so that only takes up so much of my time. And Ill be working 25 hours a week soon, but still.

I think I had a larger concern than finding ways to cope with not being around her for three months, but I cant remember what it was. I guess it is that I love her so much that its driving me crazy.

Is that normal?

Young, in love, and apart

Answered by on -

A.

Yes it’s normal. You’re young and in love with someone who seems a perfect fit. You’ve also been in each other’s life every day, much of the day, for the whole school year. You were so into each other that you became interdependent – mostly in a good way. But now you are challenged to remember that a healthy relationship is between two individuals who can be their best selves even when apart.

My best advice to you is to find a second job. 25 hours a week of work isn’t enough for a healthy young man. If you can’t find paid employment, volunteer to do something you care about or find an unpaid internship that will give you some experience in your chosen career. Enrich yourself so you will have even more to bring to the relationship when you are together. There are few things as exciting to a lover as someone who is as passionate about what he loves as he is about who he loves.

This summer is a good rehearsal for you. Hopefully, you both want to be the kind of partner who supports the other and doesn’t hold each other back. One or both of you may want to do a semester in another country or may need to take a summer internship far away. One of you may decide to go on exchange for a semester or two. You want to be able to get the most out of college while you also deepen your relationship. This often requires time apart.

Facebook, texting, Twitter, Skype, and blogging can keep you in touch. With only 200 miles between you, it’s also not unrealistic for you to meet in the middle now and then for a weekend together. Bus and train travel continue to be cheap. As a serious cyclist, you can always bike. If you have that second job, you’ll be able to afford a weekend getaway. If you and she are the type, campgrounds are an affordable option too.

Take things a week at a time and the summer will go by. If you use the time well, you and your relationship will be stronger for it.

I wish you both well.
Dr. Marie

Young, in love, and apart

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Young, in love, and apart. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/05/26/young-in-love-and-apart/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.