Hello: I really sounds like you are having a terrible time, but what you are doing doesn’t seem to be working, does it? The reason I ask this is because you are so against having someone help you. If you want to stay depressed, then you are doing the right thing.
However, if you truly want to feel better, you must get some help. You may need medication, and you would probably benefit from some counseling. You are too young to have tried therapy with enough counselors who can really help you. There are great therapists who can really help you turn your life around, but again, you can’t do this alone.
If you are not telling your family that you are depressed, why not? Can’t you be honest with them? Won’t they believe you, or don’t they care? Have you talked with a school counselor? If not, why not? They can keep things pretty private. There are always teachers who are pretty good at listening, too. If you are being abused, tell a teacher or the police and they can help as well. But, I promise you — you need to get some help and there is someone out there who can.
Best of luck,
Dr. Diana Walcutt