You’re not in a very good situation. You’re depressed, only attending school two days a week and using drugs and alcohol to make yourself feel better. Even when you’re high on drugs and alcohol you’re still feeling irritable and angry. This leads you to start fights with family and friends. This further alienates those who are attempting to help you. At this point you may be your own worst enemy.
You’ve experienced several traumatizing incidents in which you were almost beaten to death, raped and molested. These horrific incidents are likely, and understandably, the source of your sadness and anger.
You can’t go on like this. Something needs to change. You want to tell your mother how you’re feeling but you don’t want to “cause any more problems for her.” You say you’ve already hurt her by doing drugs and attempting suicide. Maybe your actions upset her. It has to be upsetting to learn that your child attempted to end their life. But by not telling your mother you’re prolonging your suffering and by extension hers as well.
Now is the time to tell her the truth. You need to do this because she may be able to help you find an appropriate treatment. Is your mother aware of the multiple traumas you’ve endured? If not you might want to consider telling her. If you are not comfortable with this then it’s imperative that you still find a way to make it clear that you want help. You’ve suffered long enough. So have your family and friends. The outcome of this situation will be infinitely worse if you decide not to tell your mother, continue using drugs and alcohol and fighting with friends and family, or attempt suicide again.
Maybe you’re afraid to ask for help. I can understand this. Asking for help is not easy. What’s even worse, however, is the idea of having to live a degraded life when there is help available. You’ve experienced at least three traumas and have yet to begin healing from these incidents. Studies show that discussing the trauma is a vital part of the healing process. You have yet to begin this process and it’s time that you do.