It sounds like you are having a really rough time. You haven’t mentioned any treatment; did you stop cutting on your own, or did you get some help?
I would strongly suggest that you find a therapist who can help you deal with some issues that you may have tried to bury, and see a psychiatrist for some medication that can help.
While you describe a really rough situation, it unfortunately is not very rare, and that is actually good news. It’s good news because the mental health community knows how to help you.
You might check out Psychology Today for a therapist in your area that takes your insurance, or offers a sliding scale. Then, Google to find a psychiatrist who can offer you medications. I wouldn’t try to skip either one of these, but do them together. You can be helped.
Dr. Diana Walcutt