Dear Cindy I understand your concern. You seem like a loving and caring mother who only wants the best for her child. It’s nice that your mother and her boyfriend are so interested in the health and well-being of your baby. Yes, it is good that they are there to support you and help you raise your new child but as you’ve noted it is problematic that they seem to be overtaking your role as mother. They may be doing this because they think they’re helping you. They may see that you are busy and have a job and that you need the extra help. My point is that they may be doing this out of love and care for the baby without realizing that they’re help is overbearing.
I am wondering whether you’ve talked about your feelings with them. If you have spoken to them about how they are behaving around your baby I wonder what they said. I suspect that you have not brought it up to them. If this is the case I would encourage you to talk to them about how you’re feeling. Tell them what you wrote in this letter. What you wrote in this letter is very informative and I think that it expresses how you’re currently feeling. You may talk to them and find out that they thought they were simply trying to help you.
There is also another possibility. Perhaps for whatever reason they have come to believe that the child needs their care and needs them to be engaging in this type of behavior. It’s possible that they have the wrong idea about you, what type of help you need to raise your child or raising children in general.
You have the right to be concerned about their behavior. As you mentioned the baby now goes running to your mother when she has an accident. Your mother insists on bathing her even though it seems that you would enjoy this activity. They also have a problem with you taking the baby to her father’s house on the weekend. They may have a legitimate reason to be worried about you taking your child to her father’s but it is not their place to dictate whether or not she can or cannot go.
It’s not clear from this letter why your mother and her boyfriend act in a particular manner around your baby. I would recommend that you talk to your mother and her boyfriend about how you feel. I do not know what your relationship is like with your mother’s boyfriend or whether or not it would be easier to only bring this up to your mother. Talk to your mother alone if it’s easier but the point is that you should have a conversation with one or the both of them pertaining to what you wrote in this letter. Your goal is to tell them how you have been feeling. They may have no idea that their behavior has any impact on how you feel. If you talk to them and they are defensive or insist on continuing the behavior then I would suggest the possibility of moving. Before you consider moving however you should consider counseling. Counseling could help you figure out the best way to handle the situation. A counselor could assist you in knowing the best way to handle the talk with your mother and her boyfriend.
It could be that this is all a big misunderstanding and talking to them will “clear the air” and help solve this problem. Thank you Cindy for your question. I wish you luck.