If I had a chance to talk in person with you, I’d have several questions for you regarding your boyfriend. First I’d want to know whether your boyfriend always displayed the same type of attitudes regarding people, places and things. You mentioned that you have been seeing him for 18 months and noticed about a year ago that these issues started. You said that his symptoms were further exacerbated by the sudden death of his father seven months ago. Does this mean that he had none of the symptoms for the first six months of your relationship? At the time that you noticed the symptoms beginning to emerge was it precipitated by an event? We know that the death of his father seemed to make it worse but I’m wondering why it initially started. I also wonder whether he had some of the symptoms within the beginning of your relationship but you didn’t really begin to notice them until later.
Try to think back to the beginning of the relationship to see whether any of the symptoms were present then. I would be interested to know if he’s always held the opinion that doctors are “idiots.” Did he always believe, because he studied psychology, that there is nothing that they could teach him that he doesn’t already know? With regard to interacting with people has he always felt that they were “boring” and he has nothing in common with them? He says that he is so good that he can always predict what other people will do and because of this he has no interest in making friends. Is this how he explains why he doesn’t have friends? Is this new or has he always felt this way? I’m also curious about the idea that other men are threatened by him because he’s so intelligent and attractive that he might steal their girlfriends. Is this a new idea? You also wrote that he says inappropriate and hurtful things to people. The purpose for this is to prove how “silly” social conventions are. I’m interested to know what exactly he says to people that is hurtful. There’s also the idea that he’s not doing well in school because the people who are running the course essentially don’t know what they’re talking about. He also says they can’t get a job in his field even though he has talent because he is a white male. As you noted it’s not because he doesn’t have the experience or the proper qualifications, it’s that he’s a white male.
He may be dealing with several issues. It’s possible that he started to experience depression about a year ago when you started to notice him withdrawing and becoming distant. Then his father died and it’s possible that this event exacerbated his symptoms. It’s difficult to know if that is in fact what happened because you did not include any information about whether he was close to his father. Generally, losing a parent is very difficult for many people. If somebody is already depressed and then they lose an immediate family member it makes sense that it would intensify their symptoms. If he wasn’t close to his father then something else may be going on. Without more details it’s difficult to give you a specific answer.
I also suspect that he may have a personality disorder. It is difficult to know which personality disorder he may have. It may be several personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder or delusional or paranoid personality disorder. Individuals with personality disorders often act in the manner that you described above. Some common characteristics of individuals with personality disorders include blaming others, believing that they are very clever, talented or otherwise superior than other people. Many of the behaviors that your boyfriend exhibits are in line with how individuals with personality disorders behave.
In summation, it is possible that your boyfriend has a personality disorder and is suffering from some form of depression related to the passing of his father. It is not unusual for an individual with a personality disorder to also have depression. They commonly co-exist. The question remains not necessarily what disorder your boyfriend is suffering from but whether or not you should continue to engage in this relationship. In other words, is it healthy for you to be around an individual who blames others for his problems and constantly thinks that he’s superior to others? That is a personal decision that you will have to make. You said that he has been withdrawing from the relationship. Is this a relationship that you want to continue to pursue? On a positive note, despite the fact that your boyfriend doesn’t believe that he could be helped by a therapist, he is willing to attend counseling if you want him to. That is encouraging. It shows that he might be open to help. If you are interested in continuing the relationship then I would suggest that you ask him to go to counseling. Counseling may help him to deal with his problems. This might be a way to save the relationship, if it’s something you believe is worth saving.
You did not ask a specific question in your letter so I’m not sure if I sufficiently answered your inquiry. If you’d like to write back and ask more specific questions I’d be glad to give you an answer. I wish you luck and thank you for writing. Please take care.