It sounds like you are really overwhelmed, but remember, all things like these problems are temporary. Bad stuff happens, then it seems like good stuff starts to happen, too. After all, you have a wonderful son, who needs you desperately. If you start harming yourself, or even end things, where will he live? Who will teach him the things he needs to learn?
I realize that self-harming or binge eating seems to take the pressure off temporarily, but it doesn’t fix things, now does it? If you can’t trust your psychiatrist, find one you can; we doctors don’t like to “lock” people up. People really should be at home with loved ones. However, it sounds like you could use some medication.
Look at it this way, medication may be something that you need to do short-term, or you may need to take it for the long run. Which is worse; taking an extra pill and feeling better, being able to finish your schooling and watch your son grow up, or missing out on all of that because you ended it?
Here are a few things that I suggest: First, find a psychiatrist you can trust, and get on the proper medication. Don’t assume that because you tell him or her that you want to end it or hurt yourself that he’s going to hospitalize you. Second, consider going to a counselor to talk about your problems. You can find one at our therapist directory. Third, make a list of the things you want to share with your son: his graduations, dating, marriage, maybe even kids? Fourth, if you need to talk to someone immediately, who won’t “lock” you up, call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE.
I hope this helps,
Dr. Diana Walcutt