Hello Noctlamia: It really sounds like you are struggling with how you are feeling about yourself and the relationship. The fact is, both of you have changed in ten years and are not the same people. He hasn’t gotten any younger, either. The first thing I would have to know is have the two of you been to a couples counselor? If not, why not? A third party (who ISN’T related to either of you) and is professionally trained, will have lots of insight to what is going on beneath the surface. Before you end the relationship, you should seek help (if you want a deeper relationship).
You never mentioned the “M” word, that is, marriage. Are you both fully in agreement that it’s not for you? Or, would you secretly want to be married but he’s against it? There are a lot of reasons that people don’t want to get married, and I respect that, but have to wonder, with the potential benefits of marriage, what stops people from taking that “final” step in commitment.
Please seek help from a couples counselor. You can find one in your area by checking out our therapist directory.
Best of luck. Please let us know how things work out,
Dr. Diana Walcutt