Yes you should definitely seek help. You’re on the verge of losing total control. You’re barely functioning on a daily basis. You’re unable to sleep, you are in physical pain, you’re using hardcore drugs (cocaine and acid) and you’re abusing prescription medicine. It’s always going to be difficult to function “normally” if you’re using drugs. Even people who take prescription medicine complain because they find it difficult to have a clear mind. Taking drugs of any sort changes an individual’s personality. If you videotaped yourself on and off drugs (of any kind, legal or illegal) you’d likely notice a change in your personality. Furthermore, not only are you ingesting at least six different drugs, you’re drinking alcohol, though not as much as you apparently used to. No wonder you’re confused, numb, depressed and exhausted. Anyone who ingested multiple mind-altering substances would feel that way.
The use of multiple legal and illegal drugs may explain much of how you’ve been feeling. You are not sleeping well and then in addition to lacking sleep you’re taking mind-altering substances. There is probably a correlation between your drug use, behavior and your emotional and psychological instability.
Are the drugs the source of your emotional problems or have they made them more severe? I also wonder whether you began abusing drugs because you felt emotionally unstable. Many people use drugs to escape some aspect of their lives that they find unpleasant.
The bottom line is that you need help. I’d encourage you to tell your mother even though you don’t want to. As you wrote in your letter, she already knows you’re having problems. You do not have to tell her everything but you should let her know that you’d like to see a counselor. If you don’t feel comfortable with that is there anyone at the boarding school you could talk to? Do they have counselors on staff?
I hope that you strongly consider seeking professional help. Take this seriously. If you continue to engage in drug use then it could lead you to make very poor life decisions that you may later regret.
Drugs not only lead people to make poor judgments and decisions but they could also negatively and permanently damage your brain. This is especially true for teenagers whose brains are still growing and developing. The teenage brain is particularly susceptible to drug use. Studies show that teens who use drugs risk damaging the brains’ proper neurological development. Drug use, especially acid, has also been linked to serious mental illnesses such as schizophrenia. For these reasons and many others, it’s important that you be proactive and seek help immediately. Counseling has the potential to alter your life for the better.