I am age 20 and feel like there is no point of being here. I was in the Army for a year and started going to CMHS(also known as the mental health care for military). I was discharged from the army and now have no where to go to see a psychiatrist due to no health insurance and no money. My thoughts are that continuing on is pointless.
I feel as though I have lost everything. I have not talked to anyone in my family other than my sister last month for almost a year. I have no job, my car got repossessed, I just lost my fiance, I have no where to call home, I sleep with my friends when I can now that my car is gone because I use to sleep there. I feel as life itself is pointless.
I don’t know if I am stupid but that is how I feel. When I’m sitting around and I try to think of something to do, everything seems so stupid and pointless, like why should I even do that? it seems like a total waste of time. And then I start thinking about the world. Like what is the world doing? What are we trying to achieve? It seems like we’re merely existing for the sole purpose of existing, wallowing in the little world that we have made for ourselves, all for what? Some people have dreams of making it big and being famous. like that’s the ultimate goal in those people’s lives. So let’s say someone is a great singer or something, they get famous and make billions of dollars; then what? Have they achieved their goal? Now they can sit and wallow in their money and then die; what was the point of all that? That’s how I look at the world and all its efforts. Like, everything people do is so petty and there is something way greater that we should be working towards, but i have no idea what that is and it frustrates me.
I used to lightly think about that question but just blow it off and continue with my pointless endeavors. But now, for some reason, I’m questioning my whole life and the world around me. I am afraid I’ll drive myself insane by thinking about this too much and not knowing the answer.
I have had many thoughts of just ending my life I have even had plans to do so but never followed through with it. I don’t know how to get over this. I sometimes get over it and then feel like doing something but then when I go to do it I end up wasting time, effort, and money. I sometimes blow money on things I can’t even remember buying then at times I will start to look for a job then give up.
I hate myself and the world I am in. I don’t know why we can not just have a life of simplicity. Why cant we live our life and love it. The answer to that question to myself is that we can not do that because money drives people. The government has us under its pinky controlling us with its ever move I do not know if that is normal to feel at all or not either. I am now ranting but any help would be appreciated, if anyone reads this…Feeling like there is no reason to be here
Feeling like there is no reason to be here
You are not stupid. What you are is very depressed and in significant emotional pain. I’m so sorry that you feel so bad that you sometimes even entertain ending your life. Like most people who are suicidal, it’s not so much that you want to end your life as that you want the pain to end. That’s understandable, given all that has gone wrong. I’m very, very glad that there still is a part of you that holds on to some hope. Let’s build on that.
You’ve served your country and you deserve our respect and support. As a Veteran, you are entitled to some practical help as you work to get back on your feet. The website for the Veterans Commission in your state is http://www.mvc.dps.mo.gov or you can call
1-866-VET-INFO (1-866-838-4636). Please contact them. They offer a comprehensive program to provide assistance in everything from health care to job counseling to financial help.
You also need a counselor to help you cope and keep things in perspective while you get your life together. You are asking big, important philosophical questions. That tells me that you are a smart and sensitive guy who would make excellent use of therapy.
For now, it might help you feel a little better if you made a commitment to practice some little kindness for someone else every day. It will give your life more meaning and it will make a difference. At the end of the day, you’ll have something to feel good about.
You made an important first step by writing to me. Now please follow through and make that call to the Veterans Commission.
I wish you well.