It seems that you’re having an increase in your symptoms. It’s spring break. You’re increasingly more anxious. You’re struggling to not travel or leave your surroundings. You are out at night running red lights and speeding. This not only puts your life in danger but you are endangering the lives of innocent people traveling on those roads. You just realized that you’ve spent a large sum of money but have no idea what you’ve purchased. In some areas of your life, you’ve lost total control. You also stated that you’re considering suicide. As you suspect, the aforesaid symptoms indicate that you might be in the midst of a psychotic or manic episode.
There is only one way to handle this serious situation. Get help now. It is imperative that you inform your counselor and your psychiatrist about your thoughts and behavior. Please do not be frightened to tell them. If you alert them about your symptoms they may be able stop a full-fledged psychotic or manic episode from occurring but they can’t help if you don’t tell them what you’re experiencing. Call them, go in for an early session, write them a letter or send them an e-mail. Choose any way you wish to relay this important information to them immediately. Tell them exactly what you wrote in this letter. Print out the letter if it makes it any easier to inform them about how you’re feeling.
Your symptoms will probably not improve on their own. They’re likely to become worse. You’re already feeling out of control. It’s not “normal” to feel the way you’re feeling. It could be that with a slight medication change these symptoms would diminish and a psychotic or manic episode could be averted.
Please consider informing your treating mental health professionals about this matter as soon as possible. It’s their job to assist you but they can’t help if they don’t know you’re suffering. Please get help now.