Home » Ask the Therapist » Parenting » He may be a father but he isn’t a man

He may be a father but he isn’t a man

Asked by on with 1 answer:

About 4 months ago I gave birth to my son. Everything was going perfect with me and his father for about the first two months, but recently we have split up because he can’t stop goin out every night. We’ve been split for a little over a month now. We have been together for almost 4 years and he is already seeing another woman, lives with her and is telling her he loves her. They’ve only been talking since we split and shes only lived in my state for 3 months. I’m finding myself becoming very depressed and unmotivated. I feel like he’s moved on so quickly and it’s so HARD…I don’t know what to do or what to think. I want him back and I don’t know why because he’s hurt me so badly. What should I do?

He may be a father but he isn’t a man

Answered by on -


Your boyfriend freaked out about the responsibilities of adulthood and fatherhood. Instead of working things out with you, or at least separating in a way that shows respect for you and concern for his child, he’s distracting himself with someone else. What he doesn’t seem to want to understand is that he’s a father now, whether or not he wants to face it.

Please find a lawyer and make sure that you know what your rights are and how to ensure that your baby gets support from his father as well as from you. Whether or not your ex wants to be directly involved, it’s his responsibility to do his share in providing for his child.

Unlike your ex, you can’t afford to be depressed, unmotivated, or uninvolved. You have a baby to raise. For now, focus on making a loving home for your child. I hope you have family and friends to turn to. Your boyfriend may wake up and come back around once he gets it through his head that he’s a grownup with grownup responsibilities. At that point, you two will need to do some very, very serious talking about how to restore your trust.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

He may be a father but he isn’t a man

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). He may be a father but he isn’t a man. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.