I know that I am still in high school and that I still have my education to worry about. But this just recently came across my mind over the past month. Every time I’m in school all of my friends have the greatest experience that I could imagine. Love, and to me it’s just not kiddy love. It’s really serious. Every Time I see them with their boyfriend or girlfriend I get extremely jealous. And It really hurts to know that I feel like I’m never going to find anyone for myself. I tell my friends all the time and they just say, “You don’t want a relationship its too much responsibility.” But I want that responsibility!
And some people do like me, but I’m never satisfied with them at all. For some reason I’m never attracted to them but they are attracted to me. I also tell my friends this and they say if your looking for someone perfect your never gonna find them. But I’m not looking for anyone perfect. I’m just looking for someone I actually like! It’s so frustrating when you know someone likes you but you don’t like them. And the ones that I actually do try to get to know they seem to just want me for a sexual cause and nothing more.
Are they right about the perfect situation? And if someone seems like they just have a sexual reason to be with you, should you give them a chance?
No one is perfect. We all have our shortcomings and idiosyncrasies. If you are expecting a perfect mate then you’ll likely be waiting forever. Perfection generally only exists in movies and in fiction stories. Maybe you are not really waiting for the perfect mate but you are doing as you said, waiting for someone you actually like. That’s perfectly normal. It’s important to have standards.
You mentioned that some people only seem to like you for sexual reasons. This means that they might only like you if you are willing to have sex with them. If a person would only be interested in you if you had sex with them then this is not a good reason to give them a chance. These are the type of people you want to stay away from. Why? Because they only want to use you for sex. Good relationships are fundamentally based on love, mutual respect and compatibility not sex. Usually relationships based on sex don’t last very long.
You ultimately want to find someone who you’re compatible with. You also want someone whose main interest in you is not sexual. Most importantly, you want a mate who respects you, who’s unselfish, treats you as an equal and who cares about your wellbeing. If you can find a mate with these qualities then you’ve probably found someone worthwhile. It might take a while to find a mate who’s right for you but be patient and you’ll likely find that person to share your time with. Thanks for your question.
Does a “Perfect” Mate Exist?
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.
APA Reference Randle, K. (2018). Does a “Perfect” Mate Exist?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/03/16/does-a-perfect-mate-exist/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.