No, it’s not normal for a woman in a loving relationship to dislike sex so much. It’s also not normal for it to hurt her. Please stop taking this as a personal rejection and consider a different perspective. Sex hurts her. Further, she was apparently raised to think she wasn’t supposed to enjoy it. Put the two together and of course she can’t be comfortable with sex.
The two of you need to stop arguing about sex and start working together to be a better team. Sex can’t be your way or her way. It can’t be about winning and losing. Instead, it needs to be something that is satisfying to you both. You need to be more empathetic with her physical pain. She needs to be more empathetic to your sexual needs. Once you stop being so disappointed in her and are more in sympathy, I hope your wife will be more willing to work with you to find a way for you as a couple to have the intimacy you both need.
The place to start is with a gynecologist who specializes in vaginismus. Go to this link for more information about the disorder: vaginismus symptoms
While your wife gets appropriate treatment, you need to be patient. It may be that you won’t be able to have intercourse right away. But there is far more to sex than that. The two of you need to remember your courtship days when you pleasured each other with snuggling and touching and kissing and exploring each other’s bodies. Take it slow. Enjoy the intimacy. Get comfortable with each other again. With treatment and patience and time, you two can become closer and stronger as a couple. You may well have another 40 or so years together. You deserve to work this out in a way that makes you both happy over that very long run.
I wish you well.