I’m sorry you are feeling so distressed. As a single mom with an only child, you have always been especially close to your son. This must be very hard indeed.
What you are experiencing, though, is a very normal transition. Your son and his wife are struggling to figure out how to be a family. Most young people pull away from their parents during this process. They intuitively know that if they keep their relationships with their parents the same, the new family won’t jell. The fact that they are also taking distance from your son’s father tells you it isn’t personal. It’s part of a stage. It’s also natural for a young woman to be more comfortable with her own mother than her mother-in-law (much to the distress of mothers of sons everywhere).
Your son and daughter-in-law are also working out how to handle chores and childcare and money and a thousand other things, big and small, in these early years of their marriage. If you judge their choices, they will need to separate from your even more. They need to own whatever arrangement they come up with. It’s wonderful that you’ve been able to help them out financially. But a gift doesn’t entitle you to anything except gratitude. Only give what you can give open-heartedly, with no expectations. That will keep your relationship free of resentment.
As painful as the current situation is is for you, it is better for you to accept some distance for awhile. That doesn’t mean stepping out of the picture. It means embracing the part of the picture that you have. You are seeing your grandbaby once a week and getting at least a weekly phone call from your son. As little as that seems to you, it is more contact than most moms of sons get at this stage. That tells me that you’ve done a good job as a mom and that you can probably count on more contact as the young people settle into their relationship.
Meanwhile, please take this time as an opportunity for you to do some of the things you couldn’t do while your son was growing up. Follow an interest or take some classes or spend more time with friends. Perhaps your career can get a new boost with the extra time and energy you have for it.
Please find a way to focus on the positive.What the young couple needs most from you is your support and love, not pressure.
I wish you well.