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Separated but Dating

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I have been married for 3 years and my husband and I broke up a little over a month ago and moved out of our apt. He broke it off with me due to communication issues and we were not having sex with eachother on a regular basis. I live back at home and he lives with a friend. As we were moving out we were able to get back to the flirty fun times we had when we first got together and decided that we wanted to date to see if we could patch things up. He has made it clear that he wants his space and we see each other every Sat night which consists of me going to his new apt for the night.

We have been talking on the phone during the week days when I would call him to talk about each other’s days and me telling him that I miss him. He called me today to tell me that he had a bad day and to lecture me that he does not want me to call him and tell him that I miss him and to basically wait for him to call me. He does not want to talk about us but only to say that it does not work out with us living together right now and to just keep it the way it is right now.

I am hurting more than ever, but understand that he wants to date. But I feel like I am owed the occasional conversation to explain “where we’re at” I don’t know if he is stringing me on or really thinks that we can make it. He did surprise his mother and me this last Sunday by going out to dinner and all he would say about that was that he did it to show that “we’re good” but that’s as far as he would go.

I just would like some advice on if this is healthy or if I am being paranoid and should just continue to only see him on Sat in hopes that this can all work out. He called me later this evening to say that he was sorry that he made me cry and wanted to know what time I was coming over this sat? Any advice would be great. Thank you.

Separated but Dating

Answered by on -

A.

What concerns me most about your letter is that your husband seems to be setting all the terms for your relationship and you are left in only a reactive position. A healthy relationship take two people working together to accommodate both people’s wants and needs. If your marriage is to survive, the two of you need to work on how to be a team, with both people giving 100%. If the relationship is as off balance as your letter indicates, I think you should reconsider the Saturday night “dates” until he shows some enthusiasm for meeting you at least halfway.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Separated but Dating

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Separated but Dating. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/01/14/separated-but-dating/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.