Understandably, you are under a great amount of stress. Not only did you lose a loved one in an extremely tragic manner you have the added pressure of feeling that you have to fulfill the expectations of your family. I am very sorry about your difficult situation.
I would strongly recommend that you seek help immediately. I would not advise that you try to help yourself out of this situation. You said that you feel that you “were just living for her.” This type of thinking and reaction is worrisome and indicates that you are overwhelmed and confused.
Some people feel so sad and helpless during difficult times that they incorrectly think that their situation will never improve. There are reports of people who felt similarly sad and helpless and attempted suicide to end their suffering and lived. Nearly all of those survivors who were lucky enough to have lived report how thankful they were that they did not die. They didn’t want to die; they just wanted to end their suffering. Most said they would never attempt suicide again. They also say that they realized that there are other ways to deal with extremely challenging times. Take their very wise advice and get some help.
If you are considering suicide, then you should go to the hospital immediately.
I know it is a challenging time but things can improve for you and I strongly believe that you could benefit from help and support. Suicide is not the answer. Please seek help now.