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Abused and Stressed

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Q: i am a 44 year old women. For the past 5 to 6 years when my husband and i have sex he hurts me. Pulls my hair chokes me and if it is hurting and I say stop he won’t. He is after me every day with sexual advances. If i want to hug him or lay beside him on the couch he has to grab at one thing or another. I am tired of all this and I have no sex drive what so ever. It is gone. if he doesn’t get it for 3 days he becomes very depressed and distant with me. we have been married 25 years and it is a pretty good realationship except for this general topic. Also I have been on prozac for 20 years and I know the side effects. It hasn’t been a big problem in the past. Is all this my fault or do we both need some kind of counseling. Please, any help i can get would ease a little of the stress that I feel.

Abused and Stressed

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Absolutely you two both need counseling. You say your relationship is pretty good except for this area. But this area is a constant in your life. Yes, one of the side effects of Prozac is a lowered sex drive. But that doesn’t give your husband an excuse for being aggressive and violent. That’s abuse! Meanwhile, your self-esteem is so low that you have been putting up with abuse for 6 years! That may have as much to do with your lack of interest in sex as the Prozac. It’s long past time for dealing with this. Please call a couples counselors right away. However good other aspects of your marriage are, I can’t imagine that you will spend another 20 – 40 years together without resolving this issue.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Abused and Stressed

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Abused and Stressed. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 21, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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