Please do not be embarrassed to talk to a therapist. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You’d consider a personal fitness trainer if you needed help getting your body in shape for a marathon. You would not feel embarrassed to hire a trainer for your body. Think of a therapist as a personal trainer for the mind. There really is no difference. They are both smart decisions.
There is unfortunately a stigma still attached to the act of seeking help. Some people feel that they are being “weak” if they have to ask for help from others. These commonly misheld American cultural beliefs are unfortunate because they can effect one’s decision to seek help. The end result in many cases is that people who desperately need help do not get it and they continue to suffer.
One should seek help if he or she is suffering or feels that their life is out of control. The truth is that the person who seeks help when they are suffering is better off than the person who stubbornly refuses to seek it because of pride. The person who seeks help often receives it and can move on with their life. With the aid of therapy, one can learn to reconstruct their thinking and behavior in a way that is much more psychologically healthy. This is the path you should consider.
With regard to dissociative identity disorder (DID), there is no specific “history of abuse” criterion. It is true that people who have been diagnosed with DID are more likely to have been abused but people who have not been abused can also be diagnosed with the disorder. There are also many cases of people with DID who have no recollection of being abused and later learn or remember that they were in fact abused. There may be other causes of DID that are not related to a past history of abuse. What this means for you is that you could still have DID even though you have no memory of being abused.
The bottom line is this: you are having significant symptoms that are majorly interfering with your life. You said you feel out of control. You feel that other people are taking over your life and you’re not sure if these people are even real. You are experiencing memory loss, black outs and you wound up in the middle of traffic and could not recall how you got there. It is time for you to seek help before you have a complete mental breakdown in which you end up hurt or in the hospital. Don’t believe conventional wisdom that says you should be able to fix your problems on your own. When help is needed be wise enough to recognize it. Now is the time.