I believe what you are asking is how can you leave your husband and not feel guilty about it. There are no support groups to help those who are feeling guilty about leaving their spouse. You either feel guilty about leaving your husband or you don’t. You either have a reason to feel guilty or you don’t. Leaving your husband is either the correct choice or it isn’t.
If you are leaving your husband because he refuses to care for himself or to get the help that he needs and you have exhausted all of the ways in which you have tried to help to no avail, then leaving him might be the correct decision. In other words, if you have tried every means that you know of as a way to help and he still refuses your help and the assistance of others, then it may be time to file for divorce. Your husband has the right and the choice to destroy his life but not yours. It would be inappropriate and unhealthy for you to stay with him and suffer alongside him while he stubbornly refuses help.
If you wrote me a letter in which you stated that your husband was trying to get help and was on his way to recovery but you were too inpatient to stay with him until he recovers, then I would have a different answer for you. In this aforementioned example, it would be morally wrong for you to leave your husband while he was ill and working towards a recovery. Feeling guilty about leaving your husband in this hypothetical situation would be appropriate. But you did not write to me about that situation, you wrote about a circumstance in which your husband is refusing help from both you and doctors, to the point where he is making your life and the life of your daughter, miserable and almost unbearable. It would not be fair to you or to your daughter to stay in this situation if your husband has no intention to get help or to change his behavior.
You situation is analogous to the family who is dealing with a drug addict. By using drugs, the addict slowly destroys their life. Those around the addict are having their lives affected as well. In these situations, the family often has the difficult task of learning how to shield themselves so that their lives are not negatively impacted by their loved one’s drug use. If the drug addiction become overwhelming and the addict chooses not seek help, family members are faced with the very difficult choice of severing their relationship with the addict until he or she decides to seek help. It is never easy for family members to have to make such a choice but they quickly recognize, for the sake of their own mental health and well-being, that it is a necessary measure and the only correct alternative.
If you have not alerted your husband that you are considering filing for divorce you may want to bring this to his attention. Perhaps you can try a separation or moving to another location before you consider divorce. It is possible that if you go to your husband and tell him that you are thinking about leaving him it may prompt him to get help. If you have tried this and you have exhausted all other possible ways to help or to salvage the relationship and nothing has worked, getting a divorce may be your last and only option. And if this is the case, there is nothing to feel guilty about; you have tried all that was possible. You cannot force an individual to get help when they refuse but you also do not have to be present when their decision not to get help puts your life or the well-being of your daughter in jeopardy.
I hope this helps. Please consider writing back and letting me know how this situation works out. I wish you luck.